Monday....

Most people dread Mondays, its the start of the work week, the end of the weekend, the children return to the classroom.....but I am actually starting to look forward to Monday mornings.  My husband leaves for work, my boys go to school and I get to go spend some time with this amazing guy, Leo!  He doesn't say a word yet he speaks to my soul.  He reaches some depth that brings about a total and complete inner calm.  I brush him and as I do, he tries to groom me too - it is so sweet to see him do this.  Usually when I walk in to start brushing them, they both walk away....but this morning Leo actually came towards me and that made my heart so happy.  I struggle a lot with self - esteem, I don't exactly know why or where it comes from but none the less it is there. I always doubt that people see good in me, sometimes I feel like they wouldn't really want to be around me if they knew me like really knew me.  I wonder if they just put up with me, wishing I would just quit talking or that I was more normal. I doubt that they want me around.  Nobody has said these things to me, its just the way I think sometimes. The neat thing about animals is that they don't tell you what you want to hear, they don't put on a front, they aren't nice to your face and then go talk behind your back, you know where you stand with them.  If they don't want to be around you they simply walk away.  BUT, if they do want to be around you, then you don't have to doubt that because they are genuine and true, and they will come to you.  I am so incredibly grateful for a friend, and her horse and the hope that they both give me.  Hope is a great thing, and the ability to feel the calm that I do with Leo, encourages me to push on.  Knowing I am capable of feeling that total calm, gives me hope.....now if I could just figure out how to get that 'Leo calm' in a pill - that would be one medication I wouldn't question taking.......