not again...

Today started like any other day.  

It ended a bit different....but not really

Its a familiar different...

but one that you never really want much knowledge of.

12:25 this afternoon I picked my sister up to go car shopping.  She is in the market for her first new car, and I have been known to get some good car deals...so good that the guy who sold me my car 3 years ago, remembered me! Not sure that was a good thing for my sister....

12:27 this afternoon her phone rang - her husband at the other end - we had just left him at the house... 'dads having a seizure'......we turned the car around and went back home.  I thought to myself, I guess its good that I was late to pick her up, so that we were not far away.  He tried the magnet for my dads VNS and it didn't stop it.....his entire body continued to shake....he was looking up and to the right...called rescue...waited....seemed like he quit shaking a little so we started singing, 'you are my sunshine'....he started singing in between seizures...getting him out the door proved challenging and the paramedics probably didn't like me telling them how to do their job - I'm just a worried daughter and hopefully they didn't take it personally. Thank God for emergency rescue personnel, EMT's and paramedics. 

Then came the hurdle of getting him stable enough to be transported to Mayo...that isn't the closest hospital to our house but it is the one who has seen him and treated him since November of 2015 when he had his stroke. Felt like time stood still while we waited to hear where they would take him.  Most of the time I find myself wishing time would slow down...but in that moment I just wanted them to get on their way and get him to the hospital. He was cleared for transport to Mayo.  Thank God for enough stabilizing that he could be transported to Mayo Hospital.

We left and as we approached the end of the street we saw the ambulance come up behind us.  I have always been one to yield to emergency services, thinking I would want somebody to do that if my loved one was being transported....and then before our very eyes as we sat at the intersection we watched the ambulance make it through safely while everybody stopped.  It sucks knowing that somebody you love is in that ambulance.  I cringe every time I hear a siren.  If an ambulance has been anywhere near our street I have to check the number.  72 is the one that always comes for dad.  Thank God for drivers who pull over when an ambulance is approaching.

We made it to the hospital before the ambulance did.  Noticed Mayo Emergency Room is undergoing some construction.  That is new since dads last seizure episode. I wonder what they are doing, are they expanding?  If only the walls of this place could talk...I think of the stories held within these rooms....how we have known quite a few of the rooms in the ER department and most of the rooms on the 5th floor. Seemed to take a while for anybody to go back and see him...minutes felt like hours as we eagerly waited to see him....because that is how we humans are wired - we need to see ....Thank God for the Mayo ER staff who took care of my dad.

At the end of the day...mom and dad are spending the night at a non profit academic medical center focused on integrated clinical practice, education and research.....in other words, Mayo Clinic.  We all stand a bit shaken but no worse for our wear. We are still standing.  In some ways I suppose trials make us stronger, odd thing is how weak they leave us feeling in the moment. But then I wonder is it weakness we feel or a sense of powerlessness?  To see somebody you love in a state that you can do nothing about?  Yeah, maybe thats it - maybe its not weakness we feel but a humble reminder of the fact that we are not in control, some things we must endure are beyond our ability to fix or change...  We have hope for this trial, that all will end well... because we have endured similar tests in the past.  So I guess that is something to be grateful for. I find myself feeling a great deal of anger and asking why, though I know my feeble mind is not capable of comprehending the 'whys' to what we have to endure this side of eternity.  Funny how even though I know my mind can't comprehend the why, I still want to know why...as if knowing why would make anything better?  I know God is a big God and He can handle my anger, I just have a hard time comprehending how this can be used for good. I'm grateful my dad is still here and that God isn't finished with him, I just don't understand why good people must endure such difficult paths in life. It's hard to trust God through all this, but I know we must. I know His plan is a good plan (even when it doesn't feel good) , that He can see the bigger picture (when all we can see is whats happening right now), that this pain has purpose in each of our lives... but when these difficult days strike it sure is hard to keep all that in mind.... To my family - a song of encouragement - Trust In You....

"Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."  Joshua 1:9