Monday, September 14, 2009

A sad morning...

This morning we got up and followed the normal morning routine, wake up, feed Seth, eat breakfast, usually in bed while watching Martha Speaks on PBS. I can't think of waking up a better way, breakfast in bed with the two men of my life. OK so watching a talking dog does get a little tedious at times. Nonetheless I wouldn't trade it for the world.

We then got out of bed, got dressed and hopped in the car to 'take daddy to work,' Seth grabbed a ball to bring along and Vanessa was with us this morning. We dropped Dennis off at work and then Vanessa, Seth and I had an hour to kill before she needed to be to school. So we talked a lot and went to the park, it was a lot of fun. We dropped her off at school and then headed for home.

Upon arriving home Seth was acting very tired or maybe like he didn't quite feel 100% so he climbed into mommy and daddy's bed and so did I. I wouldn't really have complained if he wanted an early nap because I could stand some more sleep myself. I thought it was too quiet for him to go to sleep so I turned on the television in the bedroom and started flipping through the channels, it was about 10 a.m when I made the mistake of landing on one channel in particular.

It was the "Florida Channel"...little did I know what it was broadcasting, or how it would change my perspective. I was not prepared for such an eye opening, heart sinking broadcast.

September 14th is Florida Missing Children's Day. Between 10 and 11 this morning they were broadcasting live from the Florida Missing Children's Day Ceremony. I probably should NOT have been watching that, it didn't take long for me to notice tears welling up in my eyes. They handed out many awards, ranging from 5th grade essay winners to "younger hero" awards that were given to two young girls who bravely worked with police to capture their abductor/would be abductor. I heard about a lady who donated blood hounds for police use. They even had a school bus driver that was recognized for coming between a gunman and her students to insure their safety. I don't exactly know what kept me watching, but I was drawn to it.

It is rather disturbing to me that an average of 45,000 - 50,000 children go missing in Florida each year. Those numbers just make me sick. Amber alerts have aided in the rescue of 45 children. It just really makes me angry to think that somebody would even THINK of kidnapping a child.

I was learning a lot, looking at them present awards, hearing what people have done to aide in the search of missing and endangered children when the last fifteen minutes came. In the last fifteen minutes deputies came forward to escort loved ones that were attending the ceremony to honor and recognize who they were missing today, and everyday. It didn't take long before I found myself in tears. I watched as these mothers, fathers, siblings walked forward and placed a rose by their loved ones pictures...some stopped and just looked with tears rolling down their cheeks. Others kissed there fingers and held it up to the picture. As they continued to call the names and family members walked up, the tears turned into a steady stream...I was crying...I was balling my eyes was so sad to see just a fraction of the families representing the grief of losing a loved one who was taken from then through kidnapping. I finished watching the entire broadcast. To finish the ceremony they had a firefighter come forward and play the bagpipes, a bittersweet end to such an emotion filled event.

So I turned off the television and decided to go play with Seth...I believe my updated news feed on facebook read something like, "Drying my tears and counting my blessings after watching The Missing Children's Day Ceremony." Seth and I played Wii Sports and then played in his room. All the while I was doing some serious reflecting.

I thought about how awful it must feel to wake up every day and know that your baby is missing. I thought about how awful it must feel to go to bed every night wondering where your baby is. I thought about how difficult it would be to lead a life with the light of my life missing. I thought about trying to move on without my life. All these ideas I couldn't even begin to fathom. I am grateful that I am not having to experience any of these difficult feelings. I am grateful that my little one is safe by my side at all times (though it can be a bit frustrating when he sits outside the bathroom door and screams for me, or insists on going to the bathroom with me). I thought about the sad feelings associated with missing a loved one. Then I thought about people who do have their children and take them for granted; either by abusing them or neglecting them. I thought about the parents who drink their life away after the kids are in bed, or not in some cases. I think about the parents who snort their life way through drug addictions, missing out on the perfect little miracle in their life. It really troubles me when I think about some of the different kinds of 'parents' in our world today.

I think taking the time, the 60 minutes to watch such a broadcast greatly changed my outlook. I think a lot of life and our response to situations is based solely on our perspective. Perspective is a kind of mental view of something. I say my perspective changed, because after watching this broadcast I was deeply moved. It made me appreciate Seth's temper tantrums. It made me appreciate the nights he fights his sleep and is up until midnight. It made me appreciate the runny nose and dirty face. It made me appreciate his laughter. It made me appreciate being able to hug him. It made me appreciate hearing his voice. It made me appreciate the fact that my husband works so that I can be with Seth all the time. It made me appreciate things that I take for granted. It forced me to appreciate the simple beauties; his face, his voice, his smell. So I followed him a little closer when we were playing at the park this evening and held him a little longer after he fell asleep. I thank God for looking out for my little guy. And I pray to God that He continues to carry those families who have lost loved ones.

This is my loveable, huggable, amazing little boy.

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