I have been blessed with the opportunity to help at a memory care facility with a life enrichment group. In some ways this 'job' has given me purpose. I feel like they help me more than I help them. I feel like the lessons that I have learned are priceless. I am learning how to just be and be completely where I am, at that moment. My counselor hopes that can spread out into my life as well. Some days are harder than others. It is a very emotionally demanding job which is a bit ironic coming from somebody who faces so many internal struggles. The priceless moments where I feel like God is speaking through these people definitely outweigh the days that I leave and just cry on the way out to get the boys over what this disease is doing to these amazing people. It is fascinating to me what remains when this disease starts to take over. The mental functions they lose, the memories that they can't recall....yet everybody in our group has that fear of abandonment. It's like separation anxiety with a baby all over again. It does not seem fair to me that they lose their memories and mental functions but the fears remain. I don't know that it would be any better if they lost their fears too, just seems more fair that way. But who am I to say what is or isn't fair? I guess in one sense I am grateful for the disease because if it wasn't for Alzheimer's then I may not have ever had this opportunity or met these incredible people. We had a little Christmas party for them yesterday, they all had reindeer antlers and snacks and we sang Christmas Carols. They also had some children come in and do some caroling for them from a local church. They sure did light up when they saw the little people and let me tell you - what an incredible sight for me to soak in. The old and the young. One is just entering life, one is near exit. One is learning how to walk and talk and eat and smile while the other is forgetting these daily life tasks. The magnitude of that moment was like nothing that I can put into words. It was intense. It was profound. It was moving. It was sad. Yet they brought so much joy to each other, regardless of how brief that moment was. I have connected with the people in our group, over one thing or another. The lady I work with has told me she is grateful for my hard work and dedication and willingness to connect with each person. I have learned that you have to join people where they are. With being there weekly I have gotten to know some of the residents. I look forward to seeing them. They each are unique and special in their own way. Ms. Helen tells me that I have such a gentle nature, that it is nice that I help people....how could she know?!?! I wonder if there is any coincidence in that my grandma Helen told me that I would help a lot of people one day. They share the same name and tell me the same thing? Or is it my grandma Helen, speaking through this Helen who is currently residing at Arbor Terrace? One lady, Ms. Betsy always tells me that she is happy to see me. Maybe she tells everybody that but hey, some days its what I need to hear. I think to myself, 'somebody is actually happy to see me? Most days I avoid the mirror because I can't stand to see me!' I asked her this week what was one thing she wanted for Christmas. She looked at me and clear as day she said, "Why I would like peace and happiness. I want my family to be healthy." Then just as easily and she said that, she then went back to mumbling, couldn't make out exactly what she was saying but I listened until she walked away. I thought about what she wanted - peace and happiness... Freedom from disturbance, tranquility, and a feeling of contentment. I suppose that is what we are all looking for, no matter the age, no matter the life struggles that we face. Never did I ever think that this is what I would be doing at this point in my life, but I can't imagine not doing it now. It's not easy, but nothing in life worth doing is ever easy. Connecting with people, no matter where they are in their life journey, is truly a blessing - don't take it for granted. The word of encouragement yesterday at Arbor Terrace - "Encouragement may be the greatest gift we give this Christmas."
I have two incredible little boys. I live for these boys. They are the air I breathe. They give me the strength and energy to keep going when I am exhausted from physical and mental battles. They also give me hope for the future, for humanity. Hope is a good thing. We have a nighttime/bedtime routine. They get their showers, they get ready for bed, we always do a family hug - all four of us, then we read to them. We have been working on reading the bible to them, so they hear a little at a time. I then put the bible back on the dresser and turn off the light. I always tell them I love them, I am proud of them and I hope they sleep good. To which they reply, I love you, and you sleep good too. Tonight before turning off the light Ivan jumped out of bed and said, "I am so excited about the pizza party tomorrow and getting to wear our pajamas to school." I said it sounded like fun, 'pizza party, pajamas, movie and friends.' He then walked over to a shelf in his room and pulled out a Ziploc bag with coins in it. I asked him what he was doing and told him he needed to get back in bed and he said he needed to take these to school tomorrow. I asked him why and he said, 'well what if some kids couldn't bring in money for the pizza party? they will be sad if they don't get pizza, I want them to have pizza too.' I love this boys heart. I told him that sometimes I will send in extra money just in case somebody else can't contribute, not always, but sometimes. I love that my sweet little boy, at six years old....thought about others going without and wanted to do something about that - all on his own. He has grasped a concept that some adults I know still don't understand.
God has a plan....that statement should provide more comfort than it actually does at times. It should be 'enough' on days when you just feel like you are chasing the wind. We want to know how everything will play out but our feeble mind is no match for the plans that God has for our life. It is easy to get discouraged with the struggles that I face.
Today....today a memory was made that will be seared into my brain. It gave me hope. It encouraged me. It showed me that there are still good people out there.
On this day, 32 years ago my mom and dad got married. They took each other for better or worse, in sickness and in health and let me tell you - they have lived that out....they have walked the walk...despite how things have changed since my dads stroke, their love for each other remains. They have set a good example for those around. Love is messy and scary and overwhelming and there is some happiness and joy in the mix as well.
I have been reading a book titled, "How's Your Soul?" and my favorite chapter is about God and love. Stick with me, this might be a bit to read but is worth it because I do see it in my parents. "Paul says that all the time and in every situation, love does these four things: bears, believes, hopes, and endures....The first term is bear. This letter was originally written in Greek, and the term translated bear is related to the Greek word for roof.....Figuratively, it has the idea of covering or keeping something confidential; it can also mean to put up with something. Paul was telling the Corinthian believers that love is a roof and a cover. It protects, shields, and conceals the weaknesses of others.....The second word is believe. Love believes all things. In other words, love looks for the best. It doesn't mean you don't see the worst; it just means that even in the middle of the worst time of someones life, you remember the best, celebrate the best, remind that person of the best, and believe the best......What does it mean that love always hopes? It means that love holds on to eventual development. Love recognizes that where we are is not where we will always be. We are on a journey. We are works in progress....Finally, love endures. To endure means you don't retaliate or reject. Love will be tested. Life isn't perfect and neither are we. No matter how strong the bonds or how passionate the commitments, the people we love will let us down at times. If we are motivated with God's love, there is no limit to what we can endure." (Judah Smith)
I think that is a pretty thorough way of describing the love that my parents have for each other. Today I decided to take my dad out to find something special for my mom. Last year they spent their anniversary at Mayo Hospital. That had its own goodness, but nothing beats being home. I went out this morning to a few different places in search of charms for my moms charm bracelet. I found quite a selection at Kohl's and they were 65% off! I told the lady behind the counter that I was kind of looking to see what they had and then I planned to bring my dad back up to the store later in the afternoon to pick out a charm for my mom since they are celebrating their anniversary today. I explained that he had a major stroke a year ago and has a language disorder and that going out is difficult but that I wanted him to be able to pick something special out for my mom. She said no problem. I then went to pick my dad up. He was having a difficult day. We managed to get him up to eat some lunch but he didn't want to leave the house, he kept telling me, 'i have no money'...I asked, 'if you look in your wallet and have money will you go?'.....he just kept repeating that he had no money. I got up and went to pick his wallet up, but before doing so I slid $25 into it. You see, I help my neighbor out with some house work and just yesterday she gave me a little extra and told me Merry Christmas. When I handed dad the wallet, he opened it and his eyes got big. My brother and I convinced him to go pick a charm out. We were off to Kohl's. When we got there I recognized the same lady from earlier. She said, 'hi sir, how can I help you'....my dad said, 'a charm?' she filled in the gap and directed him to the ones we had looked at this morning. She took the charms out, let him look at them, she read them to him, took them off the packaging, she was so kind and patient with my dad. During a time of year when people are having to work more hours and deal with more customers, I was amazed by how well she treated my dad. He picked out a charm. The original price was $60, they were marked down to $21.50...I thought to myself, 'perfect, $25 will cover it!'....then when she was ringing us up she asked if we had any coupons, and then she answered for me - well of course you do! When it was all said and done, tax included, the total was $13.48. I looked at her with tears in my eyes and said thank you for helping us make this day special for my mom. I think it is amazing that the price of the charm ended up being half the amount of cash that we had to spend. I guess that is God at work showing us that he will make a way. That employee gave me hope for this world, that there are still kind people. She didn't have to treat us the way she did, she certainly didn't have to help us find a deal, I rarely tell people anything personal about me, certainly not some random person behind the jewelry counter.....I set out to help my dad do something nice and I feel like I received a blessing in the process. "The blessings of God are never ends in themselves. The blessings of God are always a means to an end. And the end is blessing others. We are blessed to bless." (Mark Batterson) She sold us so much more than a charm for a bracelet, she passed along hope that I so desperately needed.
The charm for my mom - so appropriate - had a heart on one side and the following inscription, "Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think & twice as beautiful as you'd ever imagined." He had four to choose from and this is the one he picked!
What makes you go back and reflect on the previous year?
Is it a certain date on the calendar?
Is it New Years Eve?
The end of the year?
The dawning of a new year?
A fresh start?
Is it when you move to a new town?
Start a new job?
Is it your birthday?
Is it the holidays?
Is is the empty place in your heart of loved ones who have gone on before us?
Is it a reminder on Facebook?
Does it come in flashbacks?
Does it come at the sight of certain buildings?
Certain people?
A specific time?
I think deeply and carefully about many different things that have happened, especially those of great significance or value. An important moment can be one loosely defined by either unpleasant memories or desirable moments. Some memories we approve of while others we view as inferior. Both hold their place in this journey called life that we are traveling on. Every experience holds some kind of value and creates memories that become seared into our brains.
Today is November 21, 2016
There are a few famous birthdays on the 21st.
It is World Television Day.
It is World Hello Day.
To you it may just be another day.
To me it is a day that changed my life.
This day causes me to reflect back on the past year.
It marks one year since my dad had a stroke.
A severe ischemic stroke that would leave roughly half of his brain damaged.
A stroke that would threaten to take my dad from this earth.
A stroke that doctors said would leave him severely paralyzed on the entire right side.
A stroke that doctors said would leave him without words for at least a year.
A stroke that would take his ability to walk.
A stroke that would take his ability to talk.
A stroke that would take his ability to read.
A stroke that would take his ability to write.
A stroke that would take his ability to swallow.
A stroke that would cause the pressure in his brain to rise to dangerous levels.
A stroke that would take part of his skull out.
A stroke that warned us of a blood clot in his arm.
A stroke that would bring on many therapy sessions.
A stroke that would take his independence away.
A stroke that would take his hope.
A stroke that would bring new people into our lives.
A stroke that would show us who was there for us when we needed them.
A stroke that brought out the kindness in others, be it texts, phone calls, thanksgiving dinner in the ICU waiting room, cookies at Christmas time to Brooks, snacks during surgeries, prayers, prayers and more prayers.
A stroke that would land us in a rehabilitation hospital for 21 days.
A stroke that changed how we celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas of 2015.
A stroke that changed the way we viewed the world.
A stroke that left us all a little more fearful.
A stroke that left us all very grateful.
A stroke that left us sad.
A stroke that brought on many questions and tears.
A stroke that brought confusion and frustration.
A stroke that made us question God's plan.
A stroke that caused us all to research ways we could help.
A stroke that would bring another invisible challenge into our lives - Aphasia.
A stroke that didn't leave much hope for a happy ending.
A stroke that brought epilepsy and hospitalizations for seizures.
A stroke that didn't follow the typical recovery.
A stroke that provided hope and encouragement to strangers.
A stroke that brought us all closer together as a family.
A stroke that showed us kids what true love looks like.
A stroke that made us slow down.
A stroke that made us look around and find the good when we feared the worst.
A stroke that made us see things more clearly despite the cloudy days.
A stroke that made us listen with our hearts to what our ears could not hear.
It was never really about the stroke, but about the man who overcame the stroke. The man who defied all odds, the man who started saying words less than a month after the stroke that would render him without words for 'a year' (so doctors said), a man who walks when all doctors hoped was that he would learn how to transfer between a wheelchair and bed.....it is also about the family that stood behind him....that refuses to give up, that loves without limits and beyond the frustrations of life.
A man who has defied all odds because of a God who loves impossible odds.
God is bigger and more powerful than any problem we face in this world.
"God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But the right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right times often feels like the wrong time." Mark Batterson
My keyboard has become slick from the tears that have fallen on to it while typing this blog, and thinking about the moments behind the words above. Grab some tissue and watch the video below....it starts the night of November 21, 2015....and brings you up to today....
Many movements in today's society have combined to create an atmosphere that at best teaches married couples very little about how to find happiness together, and at worst threatens to destroy the sanctity with which God intends his children to approach that union. Self-centeredness and misinformation have led many away from walking in the Spirit and loving their spouses in Christlike ways, disqualifying them from the blessings that God has in store for his unified children. The Blessings of Unity offers insight and ideas for creating godly unity in our marriages centered around two key concepts:
1) Abiding in the Vine and walking in the Spirit, and
2) Learning and applying the concept of unity.
Unity is achieved when a man and woman strive for agreement with God by processing His Will on every decision and in every issue. Through Biblically-centered discussions of discord, division, unity, discipleship, and prayer, and through exploring Biblical examples of unity, Richard Case offers husbands and wives practical and spiritual advice for working together in unity in the Spirit so that they can more perfectly present themselves to God for his divine approval.
My Thoughts:
I enjoyed reading through this book. One thing that I enjoyed about it was the amount of scripture that it included. I also enjoyed the fact that it is written by a man but yet it didn't take on that perspective. It was broken down by content. This would be a great book for a husband and wife to work through together, but would be perfect to work on individually as well. It starts with an evaluation for the husband and wife. Some chapters define what should be, by assessing what the opposite would be. For instance, "...to understand God's vision of unity we must first look at it's opposite, division and discord." This was a great in depth look at unity. He covered everything from the keys to unity to how to handle disagreements to praying through unity and finally biblical examples of unity. It was a good read, chock-full of scripture. I would recommend this book.
"Disclosure (in accordance with the FTC's 16 CFR, Part 255: " Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising"): Many thanks to Propeller Consulting, LLC for providing this book. These opinions are 100% my own and not influenced by monetary compensation. I did receive a sample of the product in exchange for this review and post. "
We live in a world where real friendship is hard to find. Suspicious of others and insecure about ourselves, we retreat into the safety of our small, self-made worlds. Now more than ever, it’s easy to avoid people with whom we disagree or whose life experiences don’t mirror our own. Safe among like-minded peers and digital “friends,” we really don’t have to engage with those who can challenge and enhance our limited perspectives. Tragically, even the church can become a place that minimizes diversity and reinforces isolation. Jesus models a much richer vision of friendship. Scott Sauls, pastor and teacher, invites you to see the breadth of Christ’s love in this book, Befriend.
My Thoughts:
One thing I enjoyed about this book was how each chapter ended with a recap that included the summary of the chapter, a scripture verse related to the chapter and questions to consider. The questions to consider would make it a great book for a small group study. It also would provide great journal prompts for an individual soul searching activity. I do wonder if perhaps getting others feedback would make some parts of this book easier to understand. This book was hard to get into, some parts seemed a bit wordy. I skipped around and read different parts of the book that caught my attention. He breaks down many different aspects of who we can 'befriend.' Everything from befriending the poor to the rich to the bullies to the prodigals to the pharisees. I will be reading this book again in the near future to gain more perspective.
Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of this book.
Why do good people have to endure such difficult paths?
I would give anything to rewind the clock one year and one month and then freeze it. Live 13 months ago as if we were trapped in that groundhogs day movie where the guy wakes up to live the same day over and over again....I hate how my dads stroke has drastically changed life as we know it. I miss him. I love him and I am grateful that he is still here, but I also struggle with change and its been hard for me when thinking about the finality of chapters of our life. When Sears closed it was like an in my face reminder that things will NEVER be how they were, and that stings sometimes. I knew then it was not possible to ever go back to how things were. I would give anything to take all this from him. He has endured so much and none of this seems fair. What is God's purpose in this?
Around 3:45 this afternoon, an anxious feeling took over me. I couldn't sit still, I kept telling my husband that something bad was happening. I just didn't know what. He told me to take my shoes off and relax. Then I heard a siren and asked him if hearing that made him feel worried, he replied with, "No, it is just a siren. Take your shoes off and relax." Then the siren got closer, I went and looked out the front door and remember saying, "No, just keep going." They stopped at my parents house. I put on some flip flops and sprinted down there....was on the floor with him talking to him while paramedics did there thing and waited for an ambulance. It's no way you ever want to see one of your parents. It's odd how the way I was feeling coincided with what was about to happen. This afternoon my dad collapsed in the bathroom. My brother and uncle heard the thud and went running. It seems he had a seizure, possibly hit his head on the way down.
Walking into the ER and seeing him so still and so out of it - it is scary.
Last time he was having seizures he stayed in an ER room and was able to go home in 8 or 9 hours. This time he was admitted to the hospital. The ER guy was telling us how to get to the main hospital, we politely told him we could handle it, we are a little too familiar with this place. My dad didn't seem to be bouncing back as quick as he did last time. It seems every time he has had these they have been slightly different, and never short lived. Usually takes some heavy medications to get him to stop seizing. His blood pressure and pulse were a little off when we left tonight. He was all hooked up to the EEG to monitor brain activity and also on oxygen. They say he shouldn't be having these seizure with the amount of meds he is on to help prevent them.
He wasn't awake when we left tonight.
He wasn't responding to us when we talked to him...but he is still alive.
Good night dad, hoping with some rest you will wake up recharged and ready to get home and back to 'normal'....whatever that is?!?!?
"Hold on, if you feel like letting go....hold on, it gets better than you know..."
I have been blessed with the opportunity to help at a memory care facility with a life enrichment group. In some ways this 'job' has given me purpose. I feel like they help me more than I help them. I feel like the lessons that I have learned are priceless. I am learning how to just be and be completely where I am, at that moment. My counselor hopes that can spread out into my life as well. Some days are harder than others. It is a very emotionally demanding job which is a bit ironic coming from somebody who faces so many internal struggles. The priceless moments where I feel like God is speaking through these people definitely outweigh the days that I leave and just cry on the way out to get the boys over what this disease is doing to these amazing people. It is fascinating to me what remains when this disease starts to take over. The mental functions they lose, the memories that they can't recall....yet everybody in our group has that fear of abandonment. It's like separation anxiety with a baby all over again. It does not seem fair to me that they lose their memories and mental functions but the fears remain. I don't know that it would be any better if they lost their fears too, just seems more fair that way. But who am I to say what is or isn't fair? I guess in one sense I am grateful for the disease because if it wasn't for Alzheimer's then I may not have ever had this opportunity or met these incredible people. We had a little Christmas party for them yesterday, they all had reindeer antlers and snacks and we sang Christmas Carols. They also had some children come in and do some caroling for them from a local church. They sure did light up when they saw the little people and let me tell you - what an incredible sight for me to soak in. The old and the young. One is just entering life, one is near exit. One is learning how to walk and talk and eat and smile while the other is forgetting these daily life tasks. The magnitude of that moment was like nothing that I can put into words. It was intense. It was profound. It was moving. It was sad. Yet they brought so much joy to each other, regardless of how brief that moment was. I have connected with the people in our group, over one thing or another. The lady I work with has told me she is grateful for my hard work and dedication and willingness to connect with each person. I have learned that you have to join people where they are. With being there weekly I have gotten to know some of the residents. I look forward to seeing them. They each are unique and special in their own way. Ms. Helen tells me that I have such a gentle nature, that it is nice that I help people....how could she know?!?! I wonder if there is any coincidence in that my grandma Helen told me that I would help a lot of people one day. They share the same name and tell me the same thing? Or is it my grandma Helen, speaking through this Helen who is currently residing at Arbor Terrace? One lady, Ms. Betsy always tells me that she is happy to see me. Maybe she tells everybody that but hey, some days its what I need to hear. I think to myself, 'somebody is actually happy to see me? Most days I avoid the mirror because I can't stand to see me!' I asked her this week what was one thing she wanted for Christmas. She looked at me and clear as day she said, "Why I would like peace and happiness. I want my family to be healthy." Then just as easily and she said that, she then went back to mumbling, couldn't make out exactly what she was saying but I listened until she walked away. I thought about what she wanted - peace and happiness... Freedom from disturbance, tranquility, and a feeling of contentment. I suppose that is what we are all looking for, no matter the age, no matter the life struggles that we face. Never did I ever think that this is what I would be doing at this point in my life, but I can't imagine not doing it now. It's not easy, but nothing in life worth doing is ever easy. Connecting with people, no matter where they are in their life journey, is truly a blessing - don't take it for granted. The word of encouragement yesterday at Arbor Terrace - "Encouragement may be the greatest gift we give this Christmas."
