Dad's new adventure...

Today was the first day of my dads new adventure.  He was moved last night to Brooks and today began his new schedule.  It seemed to wear him out. These pictures will be great for my before and after picture project! You can really tell where the swelling is going down in his brain and I never realized how much your skull shapes your head, nor did I realize how much swelling my dads brain had.  They keep him pretty busy, occupational, physical and speech therapy twice a day.  This evening we spent some time in the recreational therapy gym and he seemed to watch intently as they played a game of pool.  Seth said this place is more fun than the last hospital that Grandpa was at.  He has really been good about giving my dad high fives and talking with him.  Tonight he told me, "Grandpa is doing better, he will be better soon."  I told him that it might not be soon, and before I could say anything he said, "Well we aren't giving up on him."  My sweet boy has learned what I hope they both hold in their heart and use as they grow on in life - never give up on those you love!  My dad spent the day adjusting to his new routine.  I hope his spirits are lifted and that fighter, determined spirit comes back!  I know he will over come this, doesn't it say somewhere that we need only to believe?! Sometimes afflictions come from the hand of God and its not our place to pray them away, but use them to create within us a greater Christlikeness and dependence on God. In as much as I wish this never happened, I have already seen some good come of it.  I have seen relationships strengthened and some mended.  I have learned who is there for me.  I have been reminded about how strong I am.  I have a greater appreciation for so many 'little' things that make the big things possible. And perhaps the most intriguing thing I have learned is about a compassion that is within me to really see people through their difficult times and get back to living.  My dad has had many different therapists at the hospital the past few weeks, who commented on how well I was doing with my dad.  One of the neurosurgeons who was checking on my dad daily, said I was doing a good job and should consider a job in the therapy field.  Then today, the doctor who will be seeing him while he is at Brooks actually asked me what I do, because he was convinced I was somehow involved in this field, after he saw what I was doing with my dad.  I have struggled to find my 'purpose' in life.  There are a few things I am good at but nothing really held my attention for long.  I have a lot of compassion for others and feel so good when I can help people, but never really felt 'passionate' about any one profession unless you count motherhood - my boys will always be my world!  I have been thinking about what it would take to be an occupational therapist, something I was not considering - nor would I have seen others mentioning it as a possibility - if it hadn't been for my dad having a stroke.  I know God will use all this for good, but right now it is hard! I did hear that he was moved to a different room tonight, with his own refrigerator and one of the nurses brought him a fan.  He always slept with a fan blowing in his face at home!

 Mom giving dad a pep talk.

 Playing pool in the recreational therapy gym.

 Dad seemed to be watching what everybody was doing.

 My brother helping Seth win the game!

I love my dad!

Happy Anniversary!

"We have a bed available at Brooks in a private room."  The best anniversary gift this year!  I love my mom and dad.  They set such an example of what true love looks like....in all circumstances.  I have seen them argue and make up.  I have seen them smile and cry.  I have seen them build each other up.  I have seen them support each other.  I have watched as my dad worked a full time job and cut yards so that my mom could stay home with us as we were growing up.  I watched my dad support my mom as she went back to school to finish her education and become a teacher.  I watched my dad be overcome by years and year of fighting anxiety and depression on his own.  I watched my mom continue to believe in him and encourage him even when he pushed her away.  The longer I live the more I see that while they might not always like what the other person has to face, while they might not understand the struggles they are having to endure, they love each through anything and everything.  Today is my parents 31st wedding anniversary.  And I am happy to report that my dad was moved to Brooks.  I am happy for the move.  I hope that he is encouraged by the progress he will make at Brooks.  I also hope that my mom is encouraged. I can't wait for him to be home.  

 When they were giving him his morning bath and getting him cleaned up and ready to leave the hospital I went for a walk.  I didn't realize how fast I walk or how far I can walk in a short amount of time.  They said it would take about 20 minutes so I made my way out to this nice little courtyard of sorts, where I found this guy catching some rays....he was literally only about 10 feet away from me and I thought that was so awesome!

When I went in this morning I asked him if he wanted to sit up, if he wanted me to order him some breakfast, he shook his head no to everything I asked him.  Then I asked him if he was sad and he shook his head yes.  Then I asked him if he was scared and he shook his head yes.  He started crying.  I told him that it was ok to feel sad and feel scared, that we all feel scared right now.  But I followed that up by telling him that I will not give up on him, mom will not give up on him, Vanessa will not give up on him, Rebecca will not give up on him, Vaughn will not give up on him.......it was a long list but we went through a lot of names of people who wouldn't give up on him.  As he settled down I noticed I was teary eyed and a tear fell and hit his arm and he looked at it....his right arm....if he had no feeling in that arm he would not have turned to look at it when my tear hit it.  So we both stopped and looked and I said, "see its all coming back!"   I never would have thought that I would be drying my dads tears and telling him that how he was feeling was ok.  That seems like something a parent would say to a child.  I felt honored to have the opportunity to comfort my dad. We dried our tears and practiced some writing, and I brought along some toys of the boys. He was intrigued by the car. 

With today being their anniversary, my dad was always so good about picking out the perfect card for mom.  So I went down to the gift shop and bought a few cards that could apply for an anniversary.  Then I took them up to my dad and read each one of them to him, he chose the card with the butterflies and got teary eyed when I was reading this one.  He always would say that the best thing he ever did was marry my mom.....and I believe this card ends with something along those lines.  I helped him get the pen in his hand and he signed his name, I put it in the envelope and he licked it and shut it, all on his own - he is trying so hard to be independent.  There might have been some of his new favorite orange cranberry smoothie on the envelope - but that was just fine!  He held the card and then I told him when my mom came in to give her the card so he proceeded to open it and it was almost like he was trying to read it to her. 

Oh, also the paramedics that were called to transport him to Brooks tonight, well it was one of the people that came to the house on the morning of November 21st right after the stroke happened....and she was surprised that he was doing this well, she told my mom and dad that she didn't think he would make it to the hospital, she remembered it being 'really bad.'  What are the chances that she be one of the paramedics that show up to transport him tonight?  I hope my dad holds on to those words and is inspired by the fact that things were really bad.  While things seem really bad now, and the road ahead will be tough, he is 'medically stable.'...which is truly a miracle! 

I can't even begin to imagine what must be going through his mind.  Fear. Uncertainty. Doubt. He is so strong.  He is so brave.  He is a fighter.  He will overcome this.  We will be there to hold him up and cheer him on.  I love my dad!

The mind....

The mind is a powerful thing.  When ones brain has been affected in any way, it can be very frustrating.  It is frustrating for the person who has experienced the brain damage or brain stun because they can't communicate what they are thinking or feeling and they can't make their body do what they want it to.  They have to rely on others for pretty much everything.  The frustration of seeing your leg but not being able to use it is something that I have very limited understanding of.  I have had orthopedic surgeries that left me unable to use my leg for a little while but it still had feeling.  To see your arm and leg but not fully feel it or be able to use it is something that I can't begin to comprehend.  My dad is frustrated.  He hates that other people are having to help him.  He wants to go home.  He wants to walk.  He wants to be independent.  But at this time he isn't able.  But God is Able.  I have to keep believing that there is a purpose for this pain.  As frustrating as it is for the person suffering, its a different kind of frustrating to the people who stand beside those who have suffered some kind of brain injury. We don't know what he is thinking.  We don't know what he wants.  We don't know if he understands everything we are saying.  We don't know if he understands anything we are saying.  The simple every day tasks that we take for granted, now require intense concentration.  His brain is having to re route a lot of signals.  And yet every day there is new progress.  A toe that moves, a muscle that flexes, all proof that it is coming back, that he is coming back.  The frustration on both sides leaves us sitting in the middle with a heart that aches.  We want to know how he is feeling and what he is thinking but we have no way to hear it and we want him to know we aren't going anywhere and that it hurts when he ignores us and pushes us away, but he is afraid we will leave him.  I know he is only testing us to see if we will stick with him....but do you think maybe he could test us when he hasn't just had a stroke?  or maybe when our emotions aren't so sensitive?  or maybe when we have had a good day?  I mean we need to be mentally prepared for this kind of test!  Today he worked on brushing his teeth with occupational therapy.  While helping her she asked me what I did before being a stay at home mom and was convinced that I had worked in the therapy field.  I told her I was thinking about it and she told me I should definitely pursue it.  Maybe that will be something good that comes from this, I will have a purpose for my life.  After occupational therapy then physical therapy came in and again I was reminded how much we take for granted.  While sitting my dad was asked to move his body forward until his nose touched the therapists hands, all while keeping his balance in a sitting position.  Can you do that?  Just sit where you are, hold out your finger about a foot away from your nose and and move your head until it touches your hand.  That sounds easy, but to somebody who has suffered a stroke, re routing all those commands is difficult....but he did it!  

He gave us a little scare this afternoon when he tried to get up out of the chair on his own.  After somebody suggested asking about going outside, I figured it couldn't hurt and asked his nurse.  He was granted "sunshine privileges." I was hoping that getting some fresh air, getting out of the hospital room would help lift his spirits. I'm not sure what he thought about being outside.  I don't know if it was a lot for him to take in.  Was he confused?  Did he know where he was?  Was he happy to be out of the hospital room?  Was he scared?  Did he think he was going home?  We didn't get any kind of response with regards to his time out doors.  

Today was tough.  I won't give up on my dad.  As I got ready to leave I picked up his right arm - therapist said we need to use that right arm to send signals to the brain that it is still there - and I told him that he would get through this and that I would be back in the morning.  And then I turned to my mom and patted her on the back and told her that she would get through this and that I would see her in the morning.  Some days are hard.  Some days are sad.  Some days you see how much life has changed at the same time you are grateful just to be alive, even if you don't understand how or why.

I love my dad so much.  My dad is a fighter. I love my mom so much.  My mom is a fighter. We will all get through this together, it's who we are! 

Never give up on those you love!

I didn't think I was going to the hospital today.  I love my dad and have not missed a day going to see him since all this started.  But I also needed some rest.  Facing my own mental health challenges, keeping a routine helps and my routine has definitely been off.  I will remain a constant in his life during this new road we are learning how to walk down.  Even during the times that he is ignoring me. Yes, when he is done with the mental exercises and physical exercises he puts his hands up and pushes us away or else he closes his eyes, waits for you to sit down and then does a sideways look where he half opens his eye just to see if you are still looking at him.  If you aren't and the tv is on he will watch the tv, but if you are still watching him he will go back to closing his eyes.  He is fully aware of what he is doing.  You can see the frustration in his eyes when he looks at his right arm and right leg.  I tend to have a never give up attitude.  If I have committed to being there for you, if I love you and care about you, then I never give up on you, its who I am - it is my story, it is my song!  Today when we got there physical therapy was coming in and Seth got excited and said, "I want to see this." Both Vaughn and Seth stood and watched, we all did and cheered him on while he did his exercises. They were practicing sitting and standing with my dad. He was able to move his right knee back, like the therapist was asking.  He practiced standing for 2 minutes and sitting down and then standing up and the physical therapist said that it seemed as if he might be putting some weight on his right arm and shoulder which was a good thing.  The doctor who had come in earlier saw some movement in his thigh on his right side. Every time I am with him we work on moving that right foot.  Since I never give up, I keep talking about how his toes work and how he can move the foot and how it all still works.  Telling him that he is going to walk again. I don't quit until he starts moving his foot.  I wonder sometimes if he gets annoyed by me doing this, but oh well, gotta get him walking again!  Today Dennis and Vaughn were working his toes and showing him they still work until he started moving them on his own and then we all started clapping and cheering for him!  It is amazing to see the progress he has made.  I know he is frustrated. I can't wait for him to get into Brooks and start getting therapy more often, so he can feel more progress.

Don't ever give up on somebody, you might be the hope and encouragement they need to keep going. Physical illness or mental illness, a broken bone or a broken heart, everybody just wants to know that somebody cares.  Don't wait to see if somebody else steps up, be there, show up, let them know you care -- because you might be the only one doing it. Sometimes knowing whats going on and knowing how somebody is handling it all is like two separate ball games....just be there...don't ever give up.

I love my dad. 

Setback Friday, making way for a comeback!

It has been just about 2 weeks since my father had a stroke.  This roller coaster ride that we have been on is one I hope that you never have to personally experience.  I can honestly say that today was scary given how my dad was acting.  Especially given how well he had been doing earlier in the week. It started yesterday afternoon, he just didn't seem as responsive and was drenched in sweat and super pale. I figured it was his first meal he was able to eat in almost two weeks and his body was probably having to work more than it had been.  When I went to see him this morning he just really didn't look good.  When physical therapy came in usually he is real eager to get up and try to walk or at least do the things they tell him to do.  Today he stood up once and then laid back down.  He just seemed exhausted.  They were asking him questions and concerned about how he was acting, he hasn't ever really been like he was today.  When the team of doctors came in they were concerned with his blank stare, inability to keep eye contact, and difficulty waking him.  A certain amount of panic set in as the last time that he had difficulty being woken up he had swelling on his brain that was life threatening and within hours he was having a piece of his skull removed.  They ordered a ct scan, a heart test, and an eeg to measure brain waves to check for possible seizures. The entire time he stayed pretty much asleep. I went to get Ivan and came back and he hadn't really improved much, still not responding and not keeping eye contact.  Went to pick Seth up and came back, he seemed to perk up a bit when he saw the boys.  He even laughed a little when he saw Ivan who was wearing a spiderman hoodie that had a spiderman mask as the hood.  Seth told him about his presidential physical fitness test and the patch that he got from coach.  He was intently listening to Seth.  It was refreshing to see especially after how he had been all day.  We were still worried though because we didn't have results yet and he wasn't as responsive to us as he had been.  My mom called when she was on her way and my sister put her on speaker phone and my dad actually turned towards the phone when he heard her voice.  She got there and he wouldn't look at her and that was so heart breaking.  He can't convey what is going on or how he is feeling and she can't understand what is going through his mind.  The doctor came in and told us that his heart enzymes were good, the CT scan revealed that where he had some bleeding on his brain that had stopped, well the blood that was left their has been completely reabsorbed and the swelling has gone down drastically.  They were pleasantly surprised with the amount of improvement in his CT scan. And the EEG measuring his brain waves and looking for any possible seizure activity showed everything was just fine....all things considered.  They felt it was more of a mood issue than a medical issue.  So tonight I ask you all to join me in praying for my fathers spirits to be lifted and for strength for him as he learns how to walk this difficult road.  It will not be easy, but nothing worth doing is ever easy!  We all gathered around the bed while the doctor was there and talking with him and just started telling him that we would be with him for this journey, that we are going to walk with him, that we aren't going to leave him that even if he wants us to leave well tough because we are staying right beside him.  I know he wants to be home more than anything.  I just hope and pray that depression stay away.  The doctor told us that family support was very important.  While the test results were good and provided a sigh or relief, it made for a very long afternoon.  I guess as the saying goes, "all is well that ends well."

The picture below shows Seth talking to my dad, I love that he was paying attention to Seth.  I also love that Seth has made great progress as far as elevators go.  He now doesn't have a death grip on my hand, he holds the rail and when I offered him my hand he said, 'no I don't need it anymore,'  It is so amazing to see your kid overcome their fear, especially when they overcome their fear to help somebody else.  I know that as a family we will not leave my father.  I also love how my mom loves my dad.  They set such a great example for all of us.

Change....

Change is the only thing we can count on these days.  As much as I hate change, and like to establish routines, and know what to expect in certain situations, I don't really want things to stay the same either.  Especially in regards to my dad.  If there was no change then that would mean there would be no improvement. Today he helped the nurse with his medication through his stomach tube.  I know that picture isn't great but it sure was good to see him helping to take care of himself.  My dads morning started early with a swallow test where he had to swallow a barium paste and then they watched via x ray different things they had him chew up and swallow to see what muscles were affected by the stroke and if he could handle eating some solid foods. It has been almost two weeks since he had anything to eat.  The results of his test revealed that he has some weakened areas but that exercises and time should strengthen those areas....AND....he was cleared to eat....it has to be mechanically altered which basically means softened foods, but not pureed and also nectar consistency drinks with meals and ice chips between meals.  For brunch he had a turkey and Swiss cheese omelet, an orange cranberry smoothie and some coffee.  When food showed up, I wish I could have gotten a picture of his face, he perked up a bit. When I came back after getting Ivan, he was out.  His body was having to work to digest food, which it hasn't had to do for a while.  Hopefully the more he eats, the less he will need the stomach tube feedings and once his calories can be maintained by him eating, then he won't need the stomach tube at all!  I worked a little more with him moving his toes, and got some movement in the upper part of his foot, similar to pushing a gas pedal.  I know he will walk again.  I got a little sad when I left to go pick up Seth.  It seems as time passes, a few things remain the same- nothing is ever the same when I go to visit my dad and he has a long road ahead of him. There are a lot of little things he did like waving to me when he would see me outside from the house or calling to check on me. Every time I walk out the front door I turn to look down at the house, always force of habit, always waiting for him to wave. I keep thinking that I will wake up one day and everything will go back to normal. I know that is not realistic.  He has a lot to relearn, but I know he can, we have already started.  We were also working on puzzles this morning.  It was interesting today as the neurosurgeon team came in and also when the speech pathologist came in, they said I was doing a good job and had a lot of great ideas of things that I have been doing with my dad.  The one doctor actually asked me if I was thinking about pursuing a career in occupational or physical therapy. That surprised me. I don't know. That seems awfully difficult.  The things I do with my dad are kinda just random things, but I do enjoy helping people and it was encouraging to hear these highly trained, very educated professional people telling me that I was good at something.  Not to say that other people who tell me this don't matter.  These people don't really know me - or know my compassionate heart - but they still felt I was really good at what I was doing for him. They don't really know me but they saw something good in me. I just wonder if I could be like that with anybody, or is this drive to help him just from the fact that he is my dad?  

He has had many amazing nurses, but this one he seems to like a lot!  His name is Glynn, I love how he treats my dad, I love how he talks to my dad.  

I love my dad so much!

A miracle....

miracle - highly improbable or extraordinary event.

I got to spend the morning with my dad again today.  I brought some odd things today for us to play with, a hospital room can get pretty boring.  I walked in to find that they had shaved his face - which I know made him feel better.  He has never been a fan of hair on his face.  I think my mom said that like 20 years ago he grew a beard and hasn't since! I saw that he was lifting his leg up over the guardrails and somehow getting his left foot on the floor and then had his entire body moved to the left side of the bed all in an effort to get up.  He has never been a fan of sitting still.  I decided to turn the tv off and start working on getting that right foot to move!  Once I went through it once with him then I recorded it the second time, just so I could pass it on to my siblings and my mom.  By the end of the recording he is definitely moving those toes.  So guess what?  We will be doing that at least twice every morning now while I am with him because I know he is able.  My husband told me a story about a guy who was only able to move his pinky but just kept doing it and eventually got full use back of his arm.  I am choosing to believe that my dad will get full use of his right leg back and be walking.  After that we played with a spinning top - he grabbed it and tucked it under his hands and then smirked as if to say, "Its mine now."  So I let him keep it and proceeded to set a few more things out on the table - just odd things - a pen and paper, a ball, a motorcycle.  When he saw the motorcycle he threw the top down and picked up the motorcycle and said motorcycle all on his own!  It was incredible.  When he was done with that I gave him the ball and told him to throw it to me.  He counted, "1,2,3" and moved his arm in the throwing motion, it took him doing that motion a few times before he released the ball but he did it! When we were growing up and he would play ball with us in the backyard and he would always say 1, 2, 3 and then throw the ball.  After throwing the ball he started counting.  Then I handed him the pen and we started practicing writing the letters of his name.  After me helping him for three or four times then he did it on his own!  Once again, I was in awe and completely amazed!  When  speech came in and asked him the names of his children, he said all of our names!  He is doing better when it comes to speaking without a prompt of somebody saying, 'say ___'.....it is truly amazing to me - now I know what I can do with him in the mornings!  Somebody gave me a different perspective last night.  She has texted me everyday since my dad had the stroke to check on me and check on his progress.  She said, "Just thinking about all of your firsts your dad must have treasured, the first time you smiled, your first words, etc. Now you get to cherish all of his firsts."  That seemed kind of backwards, not something you ever get to experience, nor hope that you ever do. In some ways he is starting over but its so encouraging to see his determination and see that he recognizes all of us.  He was so proud of himself after moving his toes.  I have included a video - truly a miracle to see him doing this 12 days after a major stroke. I might sound kind of cheesy in this video but its worth the watch.

 

My dad sang Happy Birthday!

I spent the day with my dad.  When I arrived physical therapy and occupational therapy were working with him and so pleased with his progress.  As I was walking down the hallway I heard, "Mr. Evans," then I kinda sped up my walking speed and as I entered his room they were applauding and celebrating his achievements! I love that his nurses today were just as excited about his progress as we are! The occupational therapist said she wished she could work with him all day because of his great attitude and determination.  He brushed his teeth this morning, and was looking at his head in the mirror.  He ate some ice chips and practiced swallowing.  They had him repeating sentences today and were very impressed with his ability to speak in such a way that we could make out what he was saying.  He is really good at repeating things, now we just need him to open his mouth more when he isn't repeating things so that we can better understand what he is trying to say.  His bright happy eyes, were a good thing to see this morning! If you can brush your teeth, be sure to thank God.  If you can touch your head, be sure to thank God.  If you have motor planning and the ability to carry out motor processes, be sure to stop and thank God.  We take so much for granted.  

And the following is the video of my dad singing Happy Birthday!  This is absolutely amazing to me!  I am so proud of my dad.  9 days after a stroke that affected almost half of his brain and he not only speaks but sang Happy Birthday and even added 'and many more' at the end of the song which is something he always did when we would have family dinners to celebrate birthdays!

 Happy Birthday Mom!

Also as some of you may know, my father has struggled with mental illness.  Prior to the stroke he had just over three good months, such a victory to know that he was fighting anxiety and depression and kicking its a** for that time period.  He has come back from severely debilitating anxiety and depression, I know he can come back from this!  As this Tuesday of Giving comes to a close I would encourage you to donate to this dear friend of ours and this cause, that brings awareness to mental illness. Any donation is greatly appreciated - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention - follow this link to donate.  She will be walking overnight to bring awareness and help prevent suicide. I also add this because it is something my mom also strongly supports as she has been by my dad through those trying times, and its her birthday!